Finnish Elma Meeting 2004

Here there and back again - a story by Tomas Samuelsson (Luther).


Sweden

Woke up at six and was surprisingly alert despite the fact I had slept very bad. Thoughts 
about how it would be to meet all those new people that I, for so long, had been talking 
to on IRC, had been crossing my mind and had made me unable to sleep well.
   
I guess I was nervous, but not in a bad way. More excited than nervous now when I think 
about it. I mean, many things could go wrong, even finding our way to Finland (fortunately
 - as you all know - we did survive both going there and back again).

Anyway, Ramone on the other hand (our driver), was incredibly tired and claimed he hadn't 
slept at all. But after a shower and a brief breakfast we loaded the car with our stuff, 
filled it up with gas, and we were on our way.

First stop would be Stockholm, which is almost a six hour drive from where I live, 
Gothenburg. And if it wasn't for Ramone's constant "every-twenty-minute"-pee breaks, we'd 
surely have gotten there an hour or two faster. 

Discovered that Sweden is more beautiful than I remembered it. You could see huge forests 
reaching further than I could see, down below the horizon, and plains used for different 
kind of agriculture and small villages and societies along the road. And not until we 
reached Stockholm I realised how sparsely populated Sweden really is.

When on the road, me and Ramone talked a lot about how things would be when we arrived in 
Helsinki - where we were supposed to meet up with Jokke. We talked about how the people 
would look, if some of them would be totally different from what we had imagined. And of 
course we had discussions about if someone would be totally "mongo" (and quite frankly we 
both had the belief that the people we were about to meet was going to be as normal as we 
are - even more normal (since they weren't the ones who was about travelling hundreds of 
hundreds of miles to get there)). 

However, around noon we arrived in Stockholm, had a beer and were totally lost and 
confused for a while, not knowing where to drive on the boat or where to park the car 
while waiting for the boat. Though solved the problem eventually.

When I entered the boat I got the feeling that it was now the journey had begun, that it 
was now there was no turning back. And that the impossible thought of me going to Finland, 
of all countries, was about to happen after all. 

On the boat I had one two, and some more beers and a Jack Daniels, sitting in some sort of
mellow environment with only tranquil jazz music in the background, discussing further 
matters with Ramone - set up hypotheses about what would happen when we met Jokke at the 
harbor (what we didn't know at this time was that Karlis and dz was going to meet us 
there along with Jokke).

Went to our cabin and had a restless sleep, was excited and a bit drunk. And in the 
morning something not too good happened: I leaned forward and had a sudden cough-attack 
which resulted in a stretched back and maximum pain throughout my entire stay in Finland.
And as funny as it may sound, a single cough fucked up my back entirely.


Finland

Down the car deck we agreed on calling Jokke, and I was absolutely determined I wasn't the
one who'd make the call. So Ramone was the one who'd have to make that call (because I 
don't usually like talking to people that spontaneously, and on top of that: in English).

Drove off the boat and Ramone called Jokke again, to find out exactly where they were, but 
didn't really have much time to talk before I saw someone with reached arms waving, whence 
I opened the car window and gave the V-sign, whereas Ramone drove up besides Jokke's car. 
Realising that there were three people there, among I could recognize at least one, who I 
was certain was Karlis and a third guy, which I assumed was dz, because we were supposed 
to pick up dz and Karlis on our way to Lammi (where meet was supposed to take place). 

It seemed Jokke had been picking them up before going to meet up with us. Now I could 
clearly feel pure adrenaline flowing through my body telling my every muscle to be alert 
and whatever - I guess I was just nervous.

Stepped out of the car, shook hands with Karlis, dz and Jokke. And I was trembling. Had 
problems standing straight, because it felt like my knees were about to give in. And I 
didn't say one word besides "hi". But at least they seemed like very nice guys, and I 
could also see that some of them were a bit nervous and insecure about how to handle this
 awkward, well almost absurd, situation. Though we all managed and agreed on going to 
a supermarket before departing to Lammi. 

And so we went shopping. And I remember how everyone desperately tried to find something 
to talk about, but most of the time ended up being just pretentious - but very polite - 
small-talk. Like for instance how our trip had been (of course I let Ramone, who didn't 
seem shy and nervous at all, answer all questions).

Jokke was very polite and gave a calm impression on me, he seemed like a decent guy, and 
was the first one I felt I could talk to.

Karlis seemed, at first, way more nervous than the other two, and didn't say much at all
(though of course kept you all updated about what was going on through his mobile phone,
on which he is connected to IRC).

dz didn't say much either, except talking some Finnish to Karlis, but as a first 
impression he seemed like a very nice guy too (my first impression was correct).

Anyway, packed our just new bought food and beer into our cars and headed towards Lammi
(which was said to be located about 120km from our current location). And when I entered
Ramone's extremely hardcore Saab -90, my nerves had cooled some. And I remember thinking;
"Okay, now I have met Karlis, dz and Jokke in real life, and they're just normal good 
guys", and I remember wondering how big the odds were of this to actually happen. And now
it did. Couldn't help myself from laughing some.

I remember writing an sms to Karlis, when he was in the car before us, telling him I was
so nervous or something like that, and his reply is worth remembering:

"me ez PANIC" 

So obviously I wasn't the only one who was in deep traumatic panic kind of state.


Lammi - FEM04

We drove for perhaps an hour, following Jokke. Suddenly he made a U-turn and we were like:
"what the fuck is he doing now", and realised pretty quick that we had been driving in 
the wrong direction for perhaps twenty minutes. We made the same turn and kept on 
following Jokke, and I saw someone pull down the backseat window and give us the thumb,
which meant we really had been driving totally wrong.

This mistake was a minute later defined in an sms from Karlis which read:

"Loalz secret FM stylz ;D"

No big deal, kept driving through Finland, and the weather was really nice. Sunny and blue
sky, and really hot too. Could barely breathe in our car, because back in the early 1990,
AC/ACC was luxury no normal person could afford. Finland could be defined and summed up by
the word beautiful, it actually did live up to the meaning of "beautiful northern climate". 

Turned off the freeway and entered the most tiny little bumpy road, and if you as I, is 
quite much of an Elastomania freak, you'd call this little trip "a bumpy journey". And at
the end of this little tiny road (which surely hadn't been renovated since medieval 
times), there was this beautiful little wooden cottage, and a small pond nearby, with 
a path from the cottage down to it. And I remember thinking that this place was really not
what I had expected. This was way over my expectations. 

Suddenly we stopped, and stepped out of the car. I stretched my legs and looked around. 
Many persons had already arrived to the cottage. And it was time to be introduced to them 
all. Terb0, Tisk, Orcc, Juzam, and mr. Abula was apparently sleeping.

We unpacked our stuff, and set up our computers. Ramone got to sit next to dz, and I 
envied him a bit. And at first, before Vender arrived (the following day), I sat on my 
own, with Tisk on my far right.

Anyway, we all sat on the porch for a while, and the first person I connected with was 
Juzam who (even if a bit drunk) had a very positive approach. First thing he told me:

"your hands are fucking shaking man.." 

And he continued to ask whether or not I brought my Magic the Gathering cards, which I of
course had. This was when I for the first time dared to speak English openly, and it 
really felt good when the "ice broke", and everyone started talking. And it was really 
funny, because since we (me and Ramone) were there, everyone started talking English to 
each other. And it seemed totally normal.

Terb0 took a lot of initiatives to make our first conversations going. In my opinion, his
sayings encouraged people to talk more, and I think that was important.

Karlis was still very quiet, but nodded sometimes and smiled when someone said something 
funny. And someone commented that like:

"There he goes again with his cute little flirting smile"

And he smiled even more.

Then came along psy and Vender. 

And psy looked like I thought he'd look. But Ramone was in some kind of shock. He claimed 
psy didn't look at all what he had imagined, and was surprised (actually in a good way - 
I think).

At this point I had no fucking idea who Vender was, only that he was the one putting his
computer next to mine. But as time went by I realised how cool Vender is. Wearing his 
training pants and a slack T-shirt, and that half beard of his made his attitude really 
charming. And he has a great sense of humour too (except when he watched loads of porn on 
his 21 inch screen when I tried to attend battles). 

Krychek was picked up later the same day. And when he stepped out of the car he had this 
huge smile in is face, and he seemed incredibly happy to be there. 


Beer battle

The first night we were supposed to have this Beer battle (and I had a slight hang over 
from the boat trip the other day), and some of the persons present had already been 
drinking some beers, but one guy was superior and drank approximately ten (!) beers 
before battle had even started. And of course when you hear his name you'll understand 
who: Juzam. 

So actually some of the participants were a bit annoyed some people had started too early,
 but battle went on as planned anyway. 

People coped really well, and relatively many stuck with it until it ended (but then again
some of us didn't take a nap in between, as dz did). Anyway, finally ended, Abula was 
claimed the winner. And everyone was glad they didn't actually have to drink any more 
beer. 

MP was very drunk and walked around singing, and he looked so cute in his mucho big curly 
hair, big smile and yellow shirt - until he threw up and passed out in the extra cottage 
(where the fireplace was), where he and Karlis slept. 

Anyway, people started to go to bed, or pass out. And you could see people running around 
naked, running between the pond and the sauna. Tisk was, as I remember it, a frequent 
sauna visitor. 

Soon there were only Orcc, me, Karlis and some other guys awake. And I planned on going to
bed. But there were no space for sleeping anywhere. And people in the cottage literarily 
slept on top of each other (I recommend some of the pictures showing what I mean). So I 
basically had to sleep on the floor, next to the sofa Jokke slept on.

Lucky me, Karlis took a picture of me when I had fallen asleep (the line between "falling
asleep" and "pass out" at FEM was very thin), where I sleep in the most awkward position,
holding my left hand over my dick, lying straight on the floor, mentally present somewhere
very far from Lammi. 

But at some point I had woke up and seen that the sofa was free, and had taken that place
and fallen asleep again.


The Battle Day

I suddenly woke up and saw psy carrying a screen. And I saw this other guy, which I 
instantly knew was Axxu. And I was so hang over and so tired, I just shook his hand, told
him I was Tomas, and fell asleep again.

In the morning (or actually afternoon) we realised the sofa Jokke had been sleeping on 
could be made into a two person bed. And my back wasn't exactly better now than it had 
been the day before. Thanks for being so smart Tomas. 

Anyway, got the most bright idea to fix my back. Thought that if I stood on my hands I'd
stretch it out, and that it'd be good for me. And I actually did stand on my hands, but it
 didn't really go as I planned: my back malfunctioned totally and I had to sit still for 
almost 24 hours. Though only comfort I had was the relief that Elma is an event taken 
place when you pretty much (normally) sit still. 

Battles were on, and everyone were höyling like hell. And Ramone proved himself at his 
best, winning a lot of battles and just showing us all how good he really is. 

Personally I had great anticipations in seeing Axxu play. Because I was convinced he would
do good in battles. And of course that was the case. For a short while, it seemed like 
Ramone and Axxu pretty much dominated every battle. Though you should all know that at FEM
every kuski has enough skills to theoretically win a battle. So sometimes it was almost 
like throwing a dice to see who'd win. It was pretty much impossible to predict who'd the 
winner would be before the battle was over (though I'd personally vote for Axxu or Ramone 
or MP). And this made all battles at FEM really really exciting. 

Conclusively, day two included everything from tremendously good playing, to some "not as 
good". Ramone made an astonishing one hour total time of 52. 

I was really inspired by mr's incredible elma play - his ability to be patient and calm, 
and höyl. And actually mr didn't just drive world record with Ramone on Zig-Zag (day 
three), but also multi world record on Steep Corner with Axxu (which actually becomes 
Axxus first world record).

One could say we drank more than we ate, because beer was consumed in loads, and everyone 
seemed to enjoy themselves. It was really fun.

Once in a while I went out for a cigarette along with Karlis. And because of this we got 
to talk a bit more (than I talked to the rest), which was really nice. And really not to 
my surprise, he is even nicer in real life, than on IRC. Actually one of the nicest 
personal moments I experienced at FEM was when I sat on the porch pretty late, discussing 
various of matters with Karlis. It is strange how a normal little conversation, on 
a porch, at the right place at the right time, can feel so good. But it did.

Actually I feel that during those three days we stayed there, we connected surprisingly 
good with each other. And I think most of the participants would say they same. This was,
how odd it may seem, to be the best summer memory of 2004 (as for now):

"Meet new people in a different country, and spend time in a cottage located somewhere in 
the middle of southern Finland, privileged with wonderful weather and totally surrounded 
by an uncountable amount of hazardous mosquitoes who really loved your blood and made your
arms and legs and face itch like you haven't felt anything itch before."

Doesn't it just sound lovely?

Rounded it all up by a barbeque before day two ended. Worth knowing is that Krychek must
have a strange way of grilling things, because he threw his sausages right into the fire
instead of putting them among the other sausages. Perhaps he didn't know. Perhaps he did.
Noone will ever know, but people will remember the Hungarian way of grilling sausages. 

Late at day two, I thought I'd be smart and sleep in that two person bed, next to Jokke. 
But now apparently Axxu had stolen my sleeping space. And on top of that he had stolen my 
pillow. So I uttered some "what the fuck", and had to make space on the kitchen floor, 
next to the garbage and the fridge. But then again, it's not hard to fall asleep eight 
o'clock in the morning, when you've been drinking loads of beer all day.


Sunday, bloody Sunday

Woke up to people shouting battle times and people passing by my sleeping place throwing 
garbage next to me, and getting things from the fridge. And even making themselves lunch.
Felt like I was back on some old school LAN back in the mid 90ies, with the only 
difference this felt more authentic. 

Now people talked about how sad it was that this meet only would last one more day, and 
that it would be nice to keep on being there. But as always, when something is really fun
 - you better stay on top. 

And mr, who had practiced Zig-Zag for hours finally decided to go multi with Ramone, and 
as astonishing as it may sound: they took the world record in less than one and a half 
hour. Absolutely amazing.

Now nobody was shy or nervous, people were talking about anything, watching recs and 
trying to exchange experiences and styles with each other. 

Team FM took some really funny team pictures and we also took a gathering picture of 
everyone present at FEM. 

Me and Ramone also had a "Swedish competition" for Finnish people, and the participants 
were Karlis, Jokke, dz and Abula. We asked them to say one line each, and we'd choose 
which one we thought was the best:

Karlis said: "Hej jag är Karlis och jag har en stor kuk"
English: "Hi, I'm Karlis and I have a big cock"

Jokke said: "Jag heter Jokke och har ingenting att saga"
English: "Hi my name is Jokke and I have nothing to say"

Dz said: "Jag är hungrig och ska laga spaghetti"
English: "I'm hungry and will make spaghetti"

And then Abula said the best line, which made me and Ramone laugh so much (note that these
 guys know pretty basic Swedish). 

Abula said: "Jag ska åka rulltrappa"
English: "I'm going to walk the moving staircase" 

That was really fun. And of course Abula was the winner.

- I actually even visited the sauna. Fortunately only mr and Karlis were present seeing me
doing so.  

People started to clean up things, and Axxu left and brought psy with him. 

Stayed up pretty late standing behind mr and Karlis, and watched them play and talk. And 
just thought to myself that these two kuskis really are as great as anyone present on the 
scene would think they are. 

Cigarette, another beer. Discussion with Karlis. And I went to the kitchen again. Not to 
eat anything really, but to sleep on the floor.


The End and The Car Push

Woke up pretty late. It seemed everyone had already packed their stuff. And mr was walking
around in "haste-mode" cleaning things (as he was the one who was responsible for renting
the cottage, or whatever). I felt tired and exhausted, and really: I don't think I cleaned
anything else beside doing the toilet floor (which in my opinion is enough).

People left. MP (also a kuski with enormous talent. He didn't even bring his own computer,
but still owned many battles. Also he performed the now famous "MP-ballkick", which is
available on film), Tisk, Orcc, Vender, Abula and Terb0. 

mr did one last check and drove off in his red van, leaving only Jokke, dz, Karlis, 
Krychek, Ramone and I behind. We had a discussion of how to fit Krychek into one of the
two cars still left. And came up with the conclusion Krychek would ride with Ramone and I,
whereas Jokke, dz and Karlis went in the other car along with the rest of Krycheks 
belongings (containing, among many things, one humongous bag). 

Jokke started his car and started to drive away slowly. And Ramone put his keys into his 
lovely Saab. But to everyone's surprise nothing happened. The car was dead. 

Jokke's car stopped, and they went out of the car, and I could see on their faces that 
they thought it was really amusing Ramone's car didn't start. Anyway, we could do nothing
but to push the car. So we pushed and pushed and pushed (Ramone was sitting in the car), 
but nothing happened. Then of course we realised why:

Ramone had been trying to use the key to start the car when we pushed it. Instead of just
releasing the clutch with a gear in. 

The word "noob" instantly popped up in my mind. But I didn't care uttering it. 

Maximum professional driver Karlis had to replace Ramone. And we kept on pushing it until
we were almost dead and the car had started.

So we left.

Dropped Krychek at the arena in Helsinki he was staying in. And he explained to us that 
there was this black football team playing there. Whence I asked him, rhetorically: 
"Black football team?", and he replied "Yeah, you know, niggers." And we all had a great
laughter, though I'm not entirely sure everyone laughed for the same reason. 

And we bid Krychek farewell and good luck on his future travels.

Went to the harbor. A silent moment outside our cars, and everyone kept shifting one's 
gaze until Ramone took the initiative of saying good bye.

The memories I brought home from FEM are really great and I feel glad I lived through this
adventure, and if there will ever be a FEM05, I'm the first one who'll sign up. And I 
recommend other people, foreign as Finnish people to do the same.

Tomas Samuelsson, Luther 2004-07-29